Doubt creeps into sadness into depression

Maybe. I don’t know.

All I know is that tonight I’m feeling very alone.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve been at home on my own since the end of November. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so excited about my new direction, but while I’ve been trying to squirrel my money away and make it last as long as possible, I’ve made myself into a bit of a hermit.

Plus with the disaster of my last date, I’ve gone off the idea of trying to find a man or doing the whole online dating thing. So I’m relying on people coming to me as I can’t afford to go out, and I haven’t really been inviting them because I’m comfortable in my own space – maybe a little bit too comfortable.

Oh, I could REALLY do with a drink – I’ve been doing Dry January so haven’t had a drink since New Year’s Eve. I know that’s probably not the answer, but somehow it feels good to have the company of a nice glass of wine of an evening. Probably not every evening as it had started to become.

I went to see the clinical pharmacist yesterday to talk to them about my medication. I told him all about my getting through my ex’s marriage and coming through it and feeling like a weight had been lifted. I told him about my new plans and the excitement and anticipation and worries of it all. He asked me about highs and lows and how I’d been feeling. I told him I wasn’t sure if I’d been having any highs but I certainly hadn’t had any major lows since the end of November.

It always happens this way. It’s like I spoke too soon. I hope this is just a blip and that I’m just feeling a little low because I’ve been cooped up too long. I’m alone. The evenings just seem to stretch. I try to take my mind off it with good TV but it’s not working tonight.

3 Thoughts on “Doubt creeps into sadness into depression

  1. Big hugs to you. As someone who’s also suffered with depression on and off over the years, I completely relate to where you’re coming from and how you’re feeling. I hope you find something that helps get you out of the spot you’re in soon. You deserve to be happy!

Please comment so I know I'm not alone out here!

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