Some days I feel like I’m over the breakup of my marriage. There are a lot of things that I enjoy as a result of the split:
- Spending quality time with just me and my kids
- Having the entire bed to myself
- Not having to answer to him financially or about what my plans are
- Going out with my friends when I don’t have the kids and coming in when I like and then getting up when I want the next day!
These are just a few of those things. But there are also things that I miss, things that play on my mind when I go to bed at night. Here are a few of those things:
- having someone to chill with in the evening – watch tv with, cuddle up on the sofa etc (although in fairness Ben and I didn’t do that very often. We’d often be at either end of the sofa with our laptops on our laps)
- having someone to cuddle with and snuggle up to in bed
- doing things as a family (we still do some things together but they are becoming less and less the longer we are apart)
- knowing that there was someone that loved me
- having someone cook for me
I also struggle with:
- him being a little too open about his thoughts and feelings and plans for his new girlfriend – ie mentioning that he’d like to take her to Stroud where my sister lives as she likes small villagey type things. It was just a small comment and not meant to hurt but it cut through me and made me ache a little bit – I have raised this with him and asked him to be a little more thoughtful with what he says.
- all the things that we now do separately that we used to do together or that he now does with her that he would have done with me
- feeling rejected when he says he would rather do something separate with the kids than do it together with me as a family
- feeling rejected when I think back to everything that happened in December last year and the following months. I try not to dwell too much but late at night when I can’t sleep somehow my mind slips back to that time and those events.
I wonder when it will get easier.