In two days it will be seven months since Ben and I separated. It’s been the toughest time of my life but I feel like I’m starting to move on and we, Ben and I, are settling into a calm, healthy parenting relationship, maybe even friendship. But I still find I have to give myself a stern talking to sometimes. Like last night when I went to bed and ended up dwelling on things after the afternoon took on a negative slant when some people I knew completely blanked me. I found myself questioning my worth as a human being, asking myself if I’m a really bad person and generally feeling pretty shit about myself. My opinion on this is that even if you don’t like someone, it takes 5 seconds of your time to say a civil “hello” and does it harm you in any way? No it doesn’t. But people are not me and I can’t control others actions. It also reminded me of a quote that I heard at BritMums: “No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent” – Eleanor Roosevelt.
So these are my half year resolutions:
- Try not to let others’ actions make me feel inferior or sad (easier said than done)
- Put a lid on unhealthy friendships – with everything I’ve been through in the last 7 months, it has really shown me who my true friends are. Some people I thought would support me have been glaringly absent and that hurt a lot. But it’s time to move on.
- Focus on the future. Not on the past. This thing has happened. Maybe I brought it on myself in some ways but there is no going back and I truly believe I’ll be happier. I’m learning more about myself everyday and one day I’ll meet someone new. When I’m ready.
- Love every minute when I’m with my kids and make the most of having time to myself when I’m not.
That’s all I can think of right now but I think it’s a start.