So I had a busy weekend. Friday night out with ex-work colleagues and yesterday we went to Farnham Carnival – me, Ben, his GF and the kids. It was fun. Check out my Instagram feed if you want to check out the photos.
But today I have been at a bit of a lose end. I met my lovely friend Lisa in the morning – we went to Starbucks and chatted for a couple of hours and then I went home to get a few things done around the flat. I got quite a lot done – tidied the sitting room, the kids room, the kitchen, did a few blogging things that I needed to get done, wrote a meal plan for next week. Then around 5pm I decided that I’d got enough done and I was going to chill out, have an early dinner (I made cauliflower cheese earlier) and watch a bit of TV. I watched 3 episodes of Hannibal which I found very depressing and a bit confusing. When I’m with the kids I always say to myself that I’m going to enjoy my time to myself but then when I do I end up feeling like I have been today. Just at a lose end. Slightly low. Missing the kids….
I’ve also felt a bit lonely. I wish I had someone to spend the evenings with. A lot of the time I meet up with Natalie, my friend who lives across the street from me and I’m so grateful for our friendship. That if she’s in, and I text to say does she fancy a ciggie, she more often than not pops right out to see me for a quick chat.
Do I want a boyfriend? I don’t really know. I’m probably not ready. I probably need to stop thinking about it and wondering if I’ll meet someone any time soon. I just can’t seem to help it. I want to know that I’m not going to be on my own forever. I’m envious of people who have someone to share their life with. Am I just incapable of being on my own? To be fair, I haven’t ever lived on my own before now. I haven’t been single since I was 18 when I started going out with Ben. Maybe I should just give myself a break. It’s going to take time, right?