Thinking about the future
I’m lying in bed thinking about the future and trying not to be scared.
What scares me? Being on my own, the great unknown, not knowing if I’ll be on my own forever, if I’ll meet someone – who, when etc…. I’ve been with Ben for more than half my life and while I may not have been completely happy, its what I knew and could (I thought) depend on.
But I’m trying not to think like that, so what excites me?
- Being on my own.
- Not having to justify myself to anyone (unless it relates to the children).
- Not having to put up with all the petty annoyances of living with someone; knowing that the place will be as I left it (I may not have been great at housework but one thing that really used to annoy me was if I spent ages tidying up and cleaning – okay it didn’t happen often but when it did – Ben would come down and leave dirty cups or plates or saucepans in the sink or on the side).
- Having somewhere that I can call my own – I’ll be in charge of how it looks, what decorations I put up, what hooks I put up where, my house, my decisions.
- Being soley in charge of what I buy and put in the cupboards and fridge. I can fill it up with Weight Watchers diet crap if I so wish (I plan to join Weight Watchers and get some weight off when I’ve settled in) – although I’ll probably try to just have plenty of fresh salad and vegetables. But I won’t buy leeks cos I don’t like them. I won’t buy pork steaks or lamb chops because I don’t like them.
- The whole moving process excites me (and slightly fills me with dread). I know I have lots of help offered by friends and Ben and Bella will help me too. But I can see myself in the evenings after moving my stuff, putting Pink – The Truth About Love (an album I’m currently obsessed with) on my speaker and dancing along to it while I unpack things and find places for them.
- I’m looking forward to sending out “I’ve moved” cards and emails.
- Going out shopping for things for my flat.
- Spending evenings alone just writing or finding ways to improve my blog and monetise it
- Having friends over to my new place: and not having to lock the dog up so it doesn’t jump all over my guests and then having to put up with constant barking
- Decorating the kids room and helping set up their bedroom so its nice and homely
- A trip to Ikea (which will be planned for the first weekend after I get the keys)
Lots to look forward to really. Just need to keep focussed on that end picture.