We decided to tell the children today about the separation. Partly because I’ve already looked at a few flats and it won’t be long before we find one I like, and partly because they go back to school on Tuesday – I’m looking at a flat Monday morning and then spending the rest of the day with the kids, so at least it being the start of the weekend means we can both be around them, ready if they need to ask us any questions or need reassurance.
So we sat them down and told them that Mummy would be buying a new house or flat and that this means that they would have a new bedroom (as well as their current bedroom) and that they would live some of the time with Mummy and some of the time with Daddy. We also told them that this probably means that they can have a cat at Mummy’s house – because we can’t have one here because a) Bella is allergic and b) the road is too busy. While we were talking about the new bedroom thing, we mentioned that we could decorate their new room however they liked and someone, I’m not sure who, said how about a Mr Man / Little Miss themed bedroom which they were ecstatic about.
Overall I think it went down pretty well. Joshua seemed, if not upset, a little concerned by not living with both parents. He said he wanted to live with Mummy. To which we said “But what about Daddy, wouldn’t you miss living with Daddy”, to which he said “No”. We’re taking that with a pinch of salt really but if it comes down to it and he really wants to live with me, I guess we can see. But I think until then we will stick with the 50/50 split that we have been talking about. We reassured them that they could still see both of us even though we would be sleeping at one or other’s house.
I feel relieved that we have done it, told them.
At the same time, I feel shattered, emotionally drained and a little emotional myself. Its a big step and it means it is really happening (not that I was in any doubt, but maybe you know what I mean).
Even though everything is amicable and we’re working through this together, its hard to be strong all the time, to be sensible and calm all the time. I’m managing it, mostly.