This is a follow-on from my previous post: My Marriage is Over – Part 1.
Since last Tuesday when I came back home, things have been ok. Ben and I have been doing a lot of talking and while I didn’t ask for this I believe that it might be for the best. Our marriage has for many years resembled a house share more than a marriage. We had stopped kissing and cuddling (if we ever did). We had stopped wanting to make each other happy.
I’ve also come to realise that being in an unhappy marriage may have considerably contributed to my depression and low self-esteem. So who knows what will happen on that front. For now I’m still on the meds as normal but as things progress if I seem happier, I may revisit the doctor to discuss things.
I can’t say I’m not still sad. I have moments of intense sadness, particularly at bedtime some nights. But I am now looking forward to the future: having my own place, meeting someone new (maybe), going out, doing things I want to do….
I have had so much advise from people. Like I said in the previous post, people have told me I should kick him out, I should get lawyered up, that I shouldn’t trust him. But I know what is best. What is best is to stay calm. Take it one day at a time. Talk to each other. Go through it together. We are parents and friends. I hope we stay friends for a long time yet because he has been a huge part of my life. It hasn’t all been bad. And maybe we can keep that friendship. Wouldn’t it be great for the kids to have two parents who like each other as friends, even if they don’t want to BE with each other anymore.
If I hold onto that thought, I know I can do this.