I’m feeling blank, empty. I don’t really know why. I have the urge to go shopping or eat some chocolate but I know that those things won’t really help. I need to figure out why I feel like this.
I feel like I need some excitement, some adventure, I need to be doing something different, something creative, something new, something that will inspire people.
I know I am losing weight and getting slimmer and that makes me feel good but that’s surface stuff. Its the inside me that really needs the work.
I’ve always had low self esteem. How do you change the feeling that you’ve had since childhood that somehow you aren’t good enough, that you are an imposter in your success? I am constantly craving reassurance that I am good (either in myself or good AT something).
This feeling really reminds me of a song by Alanis Morissette. That I would be good.
“That I Would Be Good”
that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing
that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy
that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you
I am linking this post up with Winegums & Watermelon’s Project Happiness Time to Talk linky.