Back to work & mulling over illness issues

So, the weekend went pretty quickly. It wasn’t all sunshine (yeah right) and smiles. The kids had fun eating their Easter eggs on Sunday and we all had a fab time yesterday at the Lookout Discovery Centre. But it just went too quickly. I’m back at work and, while I’m kind of grateful that I am not at the beck and call of my children, I feel no great enthusiasm for my job today. It was dull last week and I had Easter to look forward to. Now its dull and I have nothing to look forward to – well, I suppose I have the weekend and its only a 4 day week.

I didn’t sleep well last night. Hubby was not well and I noticed a skin tag on my breast that had gone a bit swollen (probably from being rubbed by my bra) but it made me a bit paranoid. Not just about me and my health. I worried about my husband getting ill. I’m really rather rubbish at being sympathetic with him. Which is a bit crap of me, I know – I expect sympathy from him when I’m ill and want to be looked after but when its me that needs to be looking after HIM I’m severely lacking! I was mulling over the reasons for my crapness last night and my lack of sympathy when he’s ill and I think I came to some conclusions. I think it might have something to do with feeling a little bti inadequate in myself – because I struggle sometimes with life generally (having suffered with depression on and off since my teens) and so I’m feel like (selfishly) I need him to be the strong one, not me. Not logical, I know. I think part of me gets very insecure when he is ill because I don’t feel like I’m capable of picking up the slack. I was thinking to myself last night that if he was very very ill (or even god forbid if he wasn’t around anymore – I know, morbid, but these things go through your mind sometimes don’t they), I would have to get rid of the chickens (as I hate going out in the garden in the wet to even open their door let alone feeding them and cleaning them out), Tia (big dog) would have to go sadly (would probably keep Toby, the small one, as he doesn’t need much walking), the rabbit would probably have to go. How I would cope without him, I don’t know. I’m rubbish at changing a lightbulb or a fuse so lord KNOWS how I’d manage to bleed radiators and trouble shoot boiler problems!!!

I insisted he make a doctors appointment today as he’s been ill on and off for weeks. Possibly even a month. And he’s just texted to say that the doctor thinks that he has glandular fever. He’s had blood and urine tests which he will get the results for next week. But for now, he has been signed off work for the rest of this week. So I have to get my head together and look after him when I get home. I have to be sympathetic and understanding and put my worries on hold.

 

Please comment so I know I'm not alone out here!

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