Well, I was thinking of putting another of my poems up and the lovely Victoria from Verily, Victoria Vocalises suggested that I join in on her Prose for Thought Linky – here is this week’s Prose for Thought blog post. I am doing this almost by accident as I only just remembered and luckily this linky happens on a Thursday which is good as today’s the day that it occurred to me to post more poetry. I’m not very good at keeping to a schedule. I used to try or think about how I should be trying to do certain things on certain days (with regards to the blog I mean) but in the end I decided that I’d much prefer to just go with the flow. I was also invited to join in with Emma from Crazy With Twins on her Wednesday Words linky. Thank you so much for the invite. I hope you don’t think I’m rude. I just forgot yesterday and now its too late. I will try to remember to join in on this one next week!
So, I haven’t even decided which poem to choose yet. This is going to be as much an experience for me as it (hopefully) is for you. I’m currently running a bath. Sitting in my bedroom typing on my laptop. Hang on. Will take a picture for you!
Right. After about half an hour I have finally chosen. This is a poem that I obviously wrote at work (in 2004 when I was working for a large telecoms company). Its written on a couple of sheets of A4 lined paper and was tucked into another notebook that I used to use for writing my poems:
So here it is:
6th December 2004
How do I make myself stronger
When all i want to do
is pull the covers up and
Hide away from all of you
The ones that make me want to scream
and tear out all my hair
The ones that make me want to shout
out that I just don’t care
I’ll give you everything that I am
Just don’t expect me to give a damn
I’ll work my fingers to the the bone
But when it comes down to it, I’d rather be at home
Why do you act like you are better than anyone else
Why do I feel like you just want me to hate myself
With your cliches and your way of always blaming me
I look through the bars and beg you to set me free
From now I’ll always smile for you
You’ll never see me frown
I’ll never cry in front of you
You’ll never see me down
I’ll keep my feelings to myself
I’ll keep my secrets hidden
My face will be a book closed to you
A diary that’s forbidden
There’s no way i can trust you
Or even like you – you’ve made your feelings clear
But I won’t let you crush me or push me down
You won’t get the better of my fear.
I think I was writing either at my boss or my supervisor. I remember those really strong feelings of not being allowed to “be me” and having to keep everything in. I’ve always been a very expressionate person (I just made that word up) and have never felt entirely (ok, at all) like I belonged in a corporate office.
Hope you liked my poem.
Oh, here is the linky link thing. I hope I do it right!