An update on life after divorce – 6 years on

Hi everyone, I have been thinking over the past few days about putting a new post on here about how things have been the few years. It’s actually been 2 years since I last posted and while I haven’t actively decided to stop blogging, that is the way things have naturally been progressing. Life has gotten in the way. But I’m not quite ready to give it up and stop paying for the domain name. There is so much history in this blog, I don’t know if I will ever completely give it up.

This post is by no means a promise to start blogging again but I wanted to do a little update post to tell you all how I’ve been and what I’ve been up to.

This blog started as sort of the diary of a busy full time working mum. I started it on the 17th November 2012. I actually had to go onto my blog and scroll back through every single post in order to find out when my first post was – that’s time I’m never going to get back!!! That means that this year it will be 9 years since I first started it. That’s huge. That means that this blog has documented nearly a decade of my life. It’s seen me through a divorce, through multiple changes of jobs and career, through two businesses, through many mental health problems and periods of depression. I’m not quite ready to say goodbye to it yet, but at the same time I think my days of blogging daily, weekly, or even monthly are probably over.

Part of the reason I wanted to do an update post is that it has now been over 6 years since my divorce and I wanted to share with you (particularly those of you going through a divorce or separation right now) how things can be so much better.

So here goes:

It has been 6 years and nearly 3 months since my split from my ex-husband. I’ve moved house twice. First into a small flat and then a couple of years later into a house that my parents, very kindly, helped me to buy. After losing my job (for perhaps the 100th time in my lifetime) I started my own business as a Virtual Assistant and then, after approximately 3 years I decided it wasn’t for me anymore. Then I started making bath bombs which is something that I did briefly as a hobby-type business around 11 years ago but had to give up when I went back to work after my 2nd maternity leave. I started it up again in around September/October 2019. I did all the Christmas fairs during 2019. Then I sort of gave it up in January and February 2020, and I got a job as an assistant in a school kitchen as I was having really bad financial difficulties. But then lockdown happened and I wasn’t required to be in the kitchen for a few months, so I put all my focus into the new business and nearly a year later (and a lot of money spent on assessments and getting all the legal side of it sorted) I have a thriving bath bombs and soap business which I have just gone full time with – having decided that I just don’t have time for my part time job in care anymore. I’m so proud of how far I have come. This is my website and social media should anyone be interested in having a look:

Website: www.abisbathbombs.co.uk

Facebook: www.facebook.com/abisbathbombs

Instagram: www.instagram.com/abisbathbombs

Things with my ex husband and his wife are good. We are a great parenting team. We don’t always do things the same way but we discuss, keep in touch and always talk about the important things that need to be discussed. I would even go as far as saying that they are my friends. Things are not ever perfect so I’m not claiming they are. My ex does sometimes irritate me or piss me off but I’m starting to be able to control my reaction when that happens and realise that sometimes the problem is my own emotions and then I can detach myself from them.

As for dating, I’m not doing that. When I first became single I was desperate for someone to love me to prove to me that I was worthy of love. As the time has gone by I have realised that love comes in many forms. And most important of that love is self-love. And self acceptance. I have dated on and off over the years but I’ve always ended up disappointed so for now I’ve decided not to bother. I have a busy new business and that is my main focus – that and the kids.

The kids are doing well. They are 12 and 10 now and (in some ways) so grown up! We’ve all been struggling in lockdown, as I think a lot of people have, but overall, things have not been too bad. It helps that I have something to focus on (my business) and this is my saviour.

My dad is helping me to convert a large shed I have in my garden into a workshop so that I can move everything out of my kitchen and my house (it’s amazing how much stuff there is and how far it spreads into every corner and crevice of your house). I can’t wait for my work-shed to be finished! My dad is so awesome and clever in getting everything done. It looks like such hard work! So far we have flooring, insulation and he is in the process of putting the boarding up on the walls. I am so excited for it to be finished! I plan on painting the outside of it to match my logo colours. Pale blue on the outside and pink on the door. And I’m going to get a logo sign to hang on the outside!

A few words about my mental health. I still struggle. I still take medication every night for my bipolar, but my moods are mostly fairly stable. I sometimes go through periods of depression but thankfully they are mostly fairly short-lived. Generally, now I’m in my 40’s I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin. I’m a little overweight and I’d like to shed a little weight to feel more healthy but I’m not ashamed of myself anymore. I don’t feel like I need to be a particular size in order to please anyone.

I think I mentioned that love comes in many guises. Romantic love is so much less important to me these days. Of course if the perfect man (or the man that is right for me – as I know perfect doesn’t exist) came along, I’d be willing to give it a go, but real love comes from family, friends. The people who you surround yourself with. Also family doesn’t have to be blood: my family are great, even though we do sometimes fall out and things can be difficult (I still love them though) – but I also think of as family the friends who have been with my through thick and thin – through my worst and my best. I’ve also learned though that some friends come and go. Some go for a while and come back (something I am very grateful for – yes, Lisa I’m talking about you!!!). And some friendships fade away as they were there for you during a particular time and then you fade apart. But that is also okay because you have the memories.

So that’s really it. I just wanted to reassure people out there that life after divorce can be so much better than you imagined it. When I think back to December 2014 when my marriage ended, when I imagined what my life would be like, I don’t think I imagined that it could be this good.

That’s it from me for a while. I don’t know when I’ll next post on here. It might be soon or it might be another 2 years from now! I really don’t know! Thank you for reading! Abi over and out.

2 Thoughts on “An update on life after divorce – 6 years on

  1. Chrissie Ashworth on February 21, 2021 at 19:23 said:

    Good to read you’re getting on alright mate, hope you and the kids are well. Xx

Please comment so I know I'm not alone out here!

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