I was watching Doctor Foster last night and I found it brought back a lot of old feelings and pain.
When you go through a divorce, those feelings never entirely go away. Overall, I’m happy and things are going really well for me. I’ve got a new career/job, I’ve got a new house which I love, and I’m getting to spend time with my kids and make my own hours.
However, every now and then something happens to bring back all those feelings of betrayal, of loss, of rejection. In Doctor Foster, the lead actress’s husband has an affair with a younger woman for 2 years, has a child with her and tries to cheat her out of a load of money (in the previous series). Now, I’m not saying everything in the show is the same as what I went through – my husband did leave me for a younger woman (who happened to be our au-pair), but he did not cheat on my for any amount of time (as far as I know – unless you count emotional cheating), he did not cheat me out of any money… but it is not the specifics that really got to me. It was the emotions behind them.
In the new series, Doctor Foster crashes her ex-husband’s wedding. Even two years later, she is still feeling the betrayal and the bitterness. I so know how that feels. Friends have told me that I behaved well after our split. However, they don’t know what goes on inside my head. Even now, those feelings crop up every now and then and I lie in bed, thinking about all that has gone on. Thinking about how I felt when it first happened.
I know I need to pull myself together. These feelings might just be a symptom of me coming off my meds. Or it might just be a normal occasional reaction to having been through a traumatic event. At least these feelings are now occasional as opposed to regular.