How do you find a balance with your ex when you have children together?

Really. I’d like to know.

I think I have been pretty damn accommodating since we split up. I won’t go into all the reasons why. The people who know me and have been around through this whole thing will agree that I have. Perhaps too much so, but it suited me to be that way. I wanted to maintain a good relationship with the kids dad and I wanted, in time, to even be friends. I still want that, but something has happened today, which makes me doubt if that will ever be possible.

He said something. It was just one small sentence. Not even a whole sentence but to me it made me feel like he has no respect for me at all. I’m not even sure he knows he’s doing it half the time and, after getting very angry and chewing his ear off, via Facebook Messenger, I tried to explain to him how his words made me feel. I still have no idea if he realises or even gives a shit about how he makes me feel.

We had this with Joshua last night – we had to talk to him about him picking on another child (more on that on another blog post maybe) but I feel like I need to talk to my ex the same way I talk to Joshua about this stuff because he just doesn’t have the equipment to be able to understand the effect of his words. I wanted to ring him and speak to him, rather than doing it all by messenger but he wouldn’t pick up. Which is another frustration because sometimes it is better to just talk.

I wish this stuff didn’t affect me and make me feel so angry. I sometimes wish I could just never speak to him again, but I don’t have that luxury as I have children with him.

I’ve considered removing him off Facebook and making the only way he can contact me by phone, but that’s in a way shooting myself in the foot as well as him as Facebook messaging is just so damn convenient.

I wish I could sit down with him and talk to him about his behaviour and how his words make me feel but he never has the time or willingness.

So I’m just here bashing my head against a brick wall (not literally).

2 Thoughts on “How do you find a balance with your ex when you have children together?

  1. It’s simply because he is a man. I am still happily married (despite a huge hiccough over the last 18 months), but my husband doesn’t have the ability to empathise, he is totally unaware of my emotions and how his words and behaviour affect them. You hit the nail on the head really, you have to treat them like small children. Good luck x x

  2. How frustrating! You two are doing a really important job together – and he should make the time and make it a priority to work with you. Have you suggested mediation? Or maybe a monthly coffee where you bring your lists and schedules and plan all the co-parenting stuff? Doesn’t help with the urgent day-to-day issues though 🙁

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