I’ve been thinking a lot today. Too much probably.
I have a date on Thursday and (from chatting online and talking on the phone once last night) I really like this guy and I want it to go well. However, I keep messing up and saying things which I think could make him see me as a little bit crazy.
I want so much for someone to love me as I am. To see me, warts and all, and say “yes, that girl’s for me”. But I think because I want that so badly and because I see myself so badly, I self-sabotage. I’ve cancelled out on dates in the past because I just couldn’t see how I could possibly find the right person. And I’ve asked this guy several times if he still wants to meet me on Thursday. Talk about making myself sound loopy!
Right now, today, I’m feeling just a little bit broken and worried that this guy won’t like what he sees or he’ll get to know me and decided, just like my ex did, that actually, I don’t want her anymore. She seemed ok from the outside but once I got to know her, she is a little bit too crazy, too insecure, too needy, too…..
I worry all the time that I’ve said the wrong thing, I’ve somehow buggered it up before it’s even started.
Being on my own is fine. It’s okay. I think the hardest part is letting someone in!