Feeling like my insecurities are written on my face
Today I’m not feeling great.
I’m feeling insecure, tired, shakey, anxious…. I feel like everyone can see on my face how I’m feeling. I feel like the worst “me” is seeping through, I’m afraid that people will see her and know that she is not worthy, not valuable, flakey…. This is the me that struggles to get up in the morning, that considers not catching the train to work and just turning around and getting back under the covers. This is the me that wonders if I’m doing the best job for my kids. The one that shouts at them in the morning because they are just being too noisy and unruly! I feel like everyone knows and judges me.
Even my good friends who have gone out of their way to help me, I feel like they might, deep down, see and one day reject the unloveable, paranoid, needy me that I so don’t want to be. I try to be calmer, a good worker, a loving but firm mum…. but it takes all my energy to quash that other self. The negative one that threatens to take over.