My divorce came through yesterday. Ben messaged me to tell me as he received his copy in the post and didn’t want me to get a shock when I went home but I have to say finding out via text at work wasn’t the best way to find out.
It’s really hit me. I know we have been separated for ages (a year and 5 months or something) but for some reason finding out that I am divorced has brought back a lot of feelings of hurt. Ive been getting upset and crying on and off since yesterday.
I had a nice time with my best friend yesterday after work – she came over for a coffee and a chat and then I decided to go out to a singles group meet up that I had been invited to. I had a lovely time and I’m so glad I went. The people were so lovely and supportive over my news. In fact when it came up in conversation that I sing, one of them suggested that I get up and sing when the guitarist/singer that was performing went on a break. A couple of them went and asked him and he was up for it and so I got up and sang Crazy by Patsy Cline. I think, and judging by the comments, I did it really well even though as I sang and listened to the words I was singing I struggled a little bit not to cry.
So that brings me to my goals. A friend recently asked me what are my next goals. One of them is to start singing again. I put that on hold after I had kids. I considered joining a band or a duo but I thought that would be a little bit selfish and take me away from my family. But I think right now, being selfish is the best thing I could do. Obviously when I have the kids with me, they are my priority. But now I have whole weeks to myself, I can afford to be a little selfish and do things just for me.
Another goal is to quit smoking. I have bought myself an ecig and I’ve been using it over the past couple of days as a substitute for cigarettes but I am quitting for good on the 1st May which is Sunday. I want to quit for my health obviously and so the kids don’t moan about the smell, but my main reason is my voice. I want my old voice back. Or a new improved version of it.
I can do this. I’m strong as I think I have proved over the last year and a bit.
Here comes the new Abi. A new era of positive life experiences.
Thank you for reading.
Edit: I went out at lunchtime and treated myself to some makeup and some lovely goodies from Lush. I always feel bad when splurging on shopping but I worked out how much I could afford and stuck to it. No spending on a credit card or overdraft. Just a well-deserved treat during a pretty tough time. Both shop assistants were so lovely to me. The one in Lush even gave me a free shower gel and a hug!