I’ve not written anything here for a while. Partly it is because I’ve been busy – I’ve had the kids for nearly 2 weeks now. So evenings have been spent doing the usual mummy things like feeding them, bathing them, putting them to bed and making sure they stay in bed. I’ve really loved them but at the same time it has been hard-going and I’m looking forward to a weekend where I can lie in and potter about the flat tidying up, knowing that it won’t get untidy again unless I make it.
Partly, my lack of posting has been because I’m very much aware that people I know read my blog. I don’t feel like I can post about things that are going on that concern people I know who might read it. However, I think I need to get over that fear of a backlash should someone read something that they don’t like or disagree with. What is the point of a blog if you can’t put across your point of view or feelings on a matter – although I will always try to be sensitive in the content of my blog posts.
So what have I been up to the last few weeks? Well, this weekend just gone I had a lovely playdate with a friend who I’ve not seen since the kids were very small. We had such a blast up in her local park and I had a great time chatting and catching up with my friend. Putting the world to rights.
Last weekend I had another playdate on the Sunday. It was the day after a night out so I have to admit I was a little hungover and tired (I didn’t get a lot of sleep, but that’s another blog post – or not), but we all had a fab time. My friend brought a picnic and the kids played for hours in the play area of the Lookout Discovery Centre in Bracknell.
I have also been thinking a lot about friendship and what that’s about. I think it is about supporting each other and being there for each other and also mutual trust and just knowing that you “get” the other person. When that support isn’t there, and the trust goes and the feeling that the other person doesn’t “get” you anymore, there is no point in continuing. Surround yourself with good friends, people who understand you and who are there for you (and know you will be there for them too no matter what). And you can’t go wrong. Its hard when people drift away but it isn’t the end of the world. There are several billion people on this planet. You can’t get on with everybody. (just a little peptalk for myself there).
We are having some problems with Joshua at the moment. He doesn’t like to go to the toilet at school and because of this he has accidents. I took him to the doctor this morning but he doesn’t think it is a medical problem. He thinks Joshua needs lots of encouragement and support – which we are trying to do. He has recently improved, going to the toilet 2 or 3 times a day but still having little accidents, but one time he said he went 6 times and he didn’t have an accident that day so we feel that there is hope. He can definitely be dry all day. Ben has a chart for him and for each dry day, he gets a sticker on his chart and when he gets so many stickers he can get some fish for his fish tank (his birthday present).
Alara is also having some issues at school. She has been getting very upset over little things towards the end of the day and is finding school very tiring. I am trying to fix this by making sure they get plenty of sleep – they were sharing a bed at the beginning of last week but I put a stop to that when I figured out that was why they were waking up in the middle of the night – they would kick eachother or roll into one another. And that seems to be better now. But the teachers said that she needed some one on one time if we could manage it. So on Sunday I had a few hours just chilling with her while Ben to Josh out on his own. I think its a good thing and I think we are going to try to keep this up. I think they could both benefit from one-on-one time with us.
As for me, I’ve been busy. When the kids are finally in bed, I eat, watch TV and then it’s bedtime. There hasn’t really been time for much else. I’ve been beating myself up about not doing more of all the other bits and pieces I do: not practicing guitar enough, not working on my blog enough, not doing my social media course which I started so well (like 2 months ago) but somehow it got forgotten, not getting on my new treadmill to do exercise…. The list goes on and I’ve been feeling very guilty. But I guess sometimes you just need to take a step back and, while getting on with the essential things that keep life ticking over – like doing the washing to ensure the kids have enough school uniform for the following day, doing the washing up so they have bowls for breakfast or plates for dinner – but allowing a little rest time. I’ve really felt like I needed it lately. Last week I started watching a TV series called Doctor Foster about a female doctor who finds out that her husband has been having an affair. It was a really good show and I got through all 5 episodes in 2 or 3 days. Now I’ve got back into Banshee which I’ve had recorded for a while but wasn’t in the mood to watch it. It is coming to a dramatic ending in the next couple of episodes and it has been good to escape into in the evenings. It stops me from thinking too much. And I can definitely over-think things, I have decided.
So in conclusion, although this has been a bit of a hodge-podge post without any clear direction, my life at the moment is making sure the kids are okay, getting through the working day until 5pm and I can go home, trying to relax a little and enjoy my evenings (a good evening is folding clean clothes in front of the tv). And generally being kinder to myself and not beating myself up about the little things.