Right now, I’m not feeling too great. Every day feels like a slog. To get through the working day, to the end of the day, then to get through bedtime – much as I love having my kids with me its hard work, then the evening goes by and its bedtime and before I know it its time to get up and get the kids ready for school again. I’m not struggling with it as much as just not feeling highly positive about life in general right now.
This morning was not a good one. I overslept – partly because the kids had me up at 1.30am and the cat woke me up at 4am so I didn’t get as much sleep as I needed – I slept through my alarm and woke up at 7.45 – the time I normally have to leave the house. I jumped out of bed and got in the shower and then got the kids straight into their school things and ran out the door – only stopping to put some cocoa pops in a box so they could eat it at Ben’s as they were disappointed they couldn’t have cocoa pops (just didn’t have time to eat). Not a good morning. And later, I found out that Joshua didn’t put pants on and put his trousers on backwards. I just didn’t have time to check. Tonight I’m definitely getting an early night and hoping to god I get a full night’s sleep and I can get up at a reasonable time. It’s just not good.
I’m feeling pretty down about my lack of love life. I just don’t seem to have any luck with men at all. I either don’t attract men for some reason or I attract the wrong ones. Or I’m attracted to the wrong ones. Why won’t anything synchronize! I’ve been single for 10 months now and nothing. Not a dicky bird. OK I’ve had a couple of “encounters” but nothing that will lead to anything real or good. I keep being told I’m an attractive woman, any man would be lucky to have me and the like. All that stuff. But none of that seems to be coming true. What’s wrong with me? Why’s it taking so long. Other people I know who have had longterm relationships end, have found someone within a few months. Why not me? Yes, I’m well and truly feeling sorry for myself. Everyone around me is in loving relationships. I love seeing my friends happy but it makes myself question my own self worth. Why does no-one want me?
Anyway, enough of that, its boring me to even think about it even though I can’t seem to help myself – its on my mind almost permanently.
So what else is going on with me?
I’m still doing mostly okay with Weight Watchers. I lost 3lbs at my last meeting and I’ve only got 7lbs or something to go until I’m at my goal. I might ask Ben if I can get to my meeting next Tuesday (I have the kids for another 9 days yet) and I’m keen to know if I’ve lost any weight, got any closer to my goal. It all went out of the window last night when I was doing the kids dinner. I had a couple of chicken nuggets and a small pile of chips. And a pork pie. I ended up skipping dinner cos I felt like I’d pigged out.
I don’t really know what else to say. I wanted to write something as my blog has been sitting empty for a few days and I don’t like to leave it like that, but I’m feeling incredibly Bleugh about life in general so I don’t even know if I’m making any sense here.
Think I’ll leave it at that.
Got any tips on how I can cheer myself up? Please comment if you do!