How do you let go of bitterness?

How do you let go of bitterness when you have been hurt badly by somebody?
I don’t always feel that way but sometimes it sneaks up on me and I end up feeling that hurt and bitterness again?
He was my husband. And then one day he wasn’t. And the person that I trusted to look after my children who was also a good and trusted friend, the very next day was his girlfriend. I was pushed out. How do I ever fully get over that?
It’s also tough whenever I’m in the house that was my home for 13 years, I see so many changes. Slowly I’m being erased from that house. He’s starting a new life.
I am starting a new life too but I suppose I’m not entirely used to it yet. I struggle when I’m not having the kids. I try to cram as much in as possible so I’m not sitting around navel-gazing. But then bedtime comes and no matter how tired I am, my mind always comes back to sadness – wondering if things could have been different, remembering all the things that have happened in the last year, feeling lonely, feeling hurt. My mind just won’t seem to leave it alone when I’m in bed.
Have you been hurt badly? How do you move forward without being consumed by sadness, bitterness and the like?

13 Thoughts on “How do you let go of bitterness?

  1. I’m not sure I know the answer but I couldn’t read this without commenting. These things take time and I think it’s a case of finding your own feet again so that you can let go of the bitterness and move on. You’re only hurting yourself by holding on to those bad feelings x

    • Thanks. I don’t feel this way all the time. I do very much like Ben still and his GF. Sometimes they are just nice people who I know and get on with (and obviously he is the kids dad too) but sometimes to me, they become the people who hurt me. If that makes sense!?

    • And thank you for taking the time to reply. Sometimes I see so many views which is great but it’s the comments which really make me feel good!

  2. Charlie on September 9, 2015 at 13:02 said:

    I am the expert on this . Someone hurt one of my children very badly . Damaged them for life and affected his entire future and damaged my other child in the process. I have been consumed with bitterness and pure hatred ever since . Three years on and I still get a rush of adrenalin when I think about her . She married my ex husband and used her position to destroy my son. I’ve just had to learn to live with the poison inside me knowing it wasn’t me that hurt my children and it was out of my control .

    • My god. You poor thing – and your poor kids. I do at least know that when my kids are with them they are loved and treated well – apart from when they are naughty and then they are on the naughty step!! But no, I know what you mean. I really don’t want the bitterness to consume me so I do try my best to be pragmatic about it and sometimes it works. Other times it’s hard.

      • Charlie on September 9, 2015 at 13:31 said:

        I can remember googling ‘how do you let go of hate’ as I needed a way to be free from it. The poison was eating me from the inside out. It’s been three years and I’m still affected on a daily basis by their actions . My ex husband chose her side (obviously) even though it was his son with ME that was getting hurt. It was irrelevant . Men are fickle and they just blindly move on. The fire you feel inside you will dampen and flare up probably forever but the times when it’s burning ferociously don’t last for as long and become further spaced apart . You’ll never forget what you have been through but you learn to live without it affecting your every day life . (My heart pounds as I write this ) x.

  3. Aw, just time and patience and acceptance. Allow yourself to be bitter for a bit, sounds like you are entitled to be. Sending out a virtual hug xx

  4. Hi, i wanted to write a comment to show you some support. How can you ever forget their betrayal? They hurt you big time and it must be difficult with them together while you wait for that unexpected moment you meet someone else. It will get easier with time and thinking anout their betrayal will spread out to every few days, then weeks, then months. I think awhile ago you mentioned it was like a breavement feeling as you have lost a husband and good friend. I know they are different scenarios, but the thought and heart ache of loosing my little girl is getting a little easier with time. A close relative said to me “with time, your mind will move onto other things”. This is very true, your mind finds a way to cope with things. Keep yourself occupied as you are doing and time will heal. Big love and hugs x

    • Hi Melissa, thank you so much for your comment. Yes it is a bit like the grieving process although different at the same time. I have no idea how hard it must have been for you to lose your baby so I really appreciate your kind words. Hopefully you are right. It will get easier over time and I will think about it less and less. In fact, I know it is true as I don’t feel like that all of the time. It is getting less and less. I am doing as you say and keeping myself busy – a new exercise class on Mondays and now a Salsa class. That with my guitar lessons and blog, I don’t get much time to stop and think. But when I do, sometimes it still catches me out. Soon it will be a year since it happened. I’m keen to put as much time between it and me! The more time the better and hopefully it will get easier as the time goes on. xxx Thank you once again for your kind words xxxx Abi

  5. I don’t know how anybody could get past that, certainly not easily. You’re a very strong woman, I wish you happiness for the future xx

Please comment so I know I'm not alone out here!

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