Setting a few things straight

Some of you may know that Ben and I collaborated in an article for a well-known newspaper. Anyway, I felt this article focussed too much on the breakup and while it was honest in what it said, it missed out a whole tonne of good things. So I’m going to list 10 things that I felt the article missed out and that I want to highlight to anyone reading this:

  1. We came to an agreement to co-parent the children equally. Meaning that they spend a week with Ben and a week with me. We swap over on a Friday. So anyone reading this that didn’t get that point, I did not abandon my kids!!! I’m very much an active Mummy in their lives. 
  2. Even in the first few months after our separation, we found a way to calmly discuss what we wanted to do with regards to the logistics of separating. We saw a mediator who drew up our agreement into a legal document. 
  3. The decision that I was going to be the one to move out and get a new place was taken based on a few things: a) I didn’t want the responsibility of the upkeep of the house, b) I didn’t want all the memories that come with this house, c) if I’d have insisted on staying in the house we would have ended up having to sell it as Ben would not be able to afford to keep repayments on the house AND a place of his own so we would have had to sell it in the end meaning the kids would effectively lose the home that has been theirs since birth and would have had to get used to two new homes instead of one. It made sense for one of us to keep it. I’m happy with that decision. 
  4. Even when things have looked really bad – when arguments have had us both fuming, we have so far managed to calm things down within a few days and talk about things calmly and agree on a way to go forward. I’m proud of that fact. 
  5. Since I’ve moved into my own place, I have learnt to be self-sufficient: I have learnt to cook for myself, I’ve learnt to make a budget stretch and have grown in my confidence in my capabilities in these areas – whereas before I was terrible with money (my ex can attest to that), “treating myself” when I didn’t have the funds to do so and this running up debts. The only debt I have now is my mortgage. 
  6. I have lost 18 pounds on weight watchers since moving into my flat in April. I have another 10-12 to go until I’m at my goal weight but already feel more confident and happy in my self. 
  7. I have started guitar lessons and my teacher (a lovely friend) says I’m doing really well!!
  8. I have come to terms with Ben’s relationship. I want them to work out. I’m not just saying that to sound saintly. I like them both and want them to be happy. 
  9. I have started going out a lot more than I used to. Seeing friends and having fun – on the weeks when I don’t have the kids. Friendships have been so important to me over the last 8 months or so. 
  10. I have started dating. I have tried a few dating apps. I am currently on tinder. I have had a few dates. Not found “The One” yet but I’ve been told it takes time. And in the meantime I’m just enjoying being me, meeting new people and learning to love life on my own. 

So that’s my list. Life is good. I don’t wish the separation never happened. I do sometimes feel sorry for myself but overall, I am happy with the way things are. 

Thank you for reading. 


4 Thoughts on “Setting a few things straight

  1. emma on August 14, 2015 at 15:44 said:

    Nicely put 🙂

  2. Catia on August 14, 2015 at 15:55 said:

    Abi, you’re so freaking strong! You face your monsters, eye to eye, “wanna a piece of me” style. You aknowledge your “crap” times, and don’t let them take the best off you. You cry, you rant, you chill, you laugh, you live, you win. That’s the ride of your life and you are nailing it, simply because you don’t give up. The way you and Ben are dealing with this is so honest and inspiring, really, and it’s no one’s business. You are doing what works for you as “family” because that’s what it is: where there’s kids involved, the parents will never totally disconnect from each other, it’s just family in a different shape, and the main thing it’s to make it work, for all of you. A super hug for you, love. xx 🙂

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