Feeling apprehensive #latitude #anniversary
I’m feeling a little apprehensive. Partly because with Latitude Festival coming up next Thursday, I have been thinking about that, and the logistics, and the costs… But while I’m thinking about all that stuff, I’m also thinking about last year and how everything was different. Logistically, the only difference will be that I’ll be in the camper, with the kids, while Ben and GF will be in a tent. I think I’ve moved far enough now that I’m not overly upset about the idea of them being together. I like Ben. I like her. But my mind is wandering and I’m finding myself worrying that I’ll find it weird. Or I’ll get upset. My friend suggested that while there, I get a bit of child-free time to roam, chat to random people, maybe even flirt (might meet someone – you never know). And I think this is a good idea. I had thought that I would just stay at the camp with the kids every night and let them go off to do late night fun stuff. But why shouldn’t I have a go at that!
I’m also apprehensive about our anniversary on the 24th July. I have a night out planned but I feel that might be a pretty hard day for me. Happy as I am to be living in my little flat which is a bit of a retreat and safe place for me, its hard to think about things like anniversaries as as they just seem to be markers for how I’ve failed at my marriage. I find it hard to think about our wedding day without feeling sad. But I guess that is natural.