This week I’m having to learn to pace myself.
I have a whole list of things I need to do in my flat – sorting and selling things – in addition to the standard stuff: hoovering, mopping, washing up, doing loads of washing – but having been ill and having the kids with me for just under 2 weeks rather than the usual 1 week routine, I’m having to take a step back, go to bed early and ignore things that I would otherwise want to be sorting out.
Yesterday I was off sick from work. I felt awful in the morning and after ringing in sick, I went back to bed until nearly midday. After that I set myself up on the sofa under the duvet and watched back to back episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. But midway through the afternoon I started feeling horribly guilty. I think it was partly because as school pickup loomed I felt guilty that while I was not at work, I was not picking up the kids myself and spending time with them. Now that I’m back at work and, while not entirely well, I’m thinking more clearly, I can justify taking a day off to myself better. Would it have been better that I picked up the kids, messing up their routine of going home with our childminder and playing in her garden with their school friends who also go round to hers on a Monday, had them at mine instead where I wouldn’t be able to give them my full attention and would have left them to play in the sitting room while I struggled to do the basics of cooking them dinner etc. I had borrowed Ben’s vacuum cleaner at the weekend and to alleviate the guilt I hoovered the flat, running round and picking everything up off the floors so I could get to the carpet. After all that, I was totally out of energy and flopped back on the sofa with a cup of tea for some more Grey’s Anatomy. The long and short of it is, I needed a day to get better, recover and just chill. I’m still not well but I’m well enough to be at work. Just. I am still having hot/cold sweats. I’ve been dripping with sweat under my dress. My cardigan has been taken off and put back on again more times than is normal! Oh and I’ve started a period today to top it off!
As I started feeling unwell on Sunday evening, I went to bed just after putting the kids to bed and did the same again last night. I felt considerably better this morning and showered and got ready for work as normal. But I’m still not right and will probably go to bed early again tonight. I guess what I’m trying to say is that all the things I need to do will have to wait until I’m better or until life is more under control. The things/people that come first are the kids, my health, work, keeping the flat clean to a basic standard and cooking myself food.
The last week or so I have felt something like a hamster on a wheel. Life has thrown me rather a lot of curveballs (I don’t even know what a curveball is but it seems like the right metaphor). There were arguments last week that had me so stressed I thought I was going to explode. Now that all seems to be resolved but I have to contend with feeling pretty rubbish. If I can just get through this week and get over this cold, I’ll be on the right track.
In an attempt to quieten my mind of all the things that I’m not doing that I need to do, I’ve written a list:
- Box of stuff to sell – photograph and list things on selling sites
- Clothes to sell – photograph and list on selling sites
- Sell TV
- Get bits for hoover
- Get shelf put up
- Get key hooks put up
- Find sofa paperwork – give them a call about cleaning it
- Buy a bigger throw for sofa
- Give my mum back her bowl
- Go through bath bombs box and sell bits
- Call management company about lock to main door
- Put clothes away in bedroom
- Mop kitchen floor
- Pay management company fees
I’m hoping that having it all in one place, rather than various bits written down on various bits of paper, will help me stop stressing about it. I’m happy for it to just be a list at the moment. I’ll start tackling it when I feel better.