I’ve had the kids at mine since last night (Friday night) and I’ve really loved having them here. Today has been a lovely busy day with them. We’ve been up to loads.
We had swimming first thing in the morning. We were doing okay for time and would have arrived with a few minutes to spare but then as soon as we pulled into Lidl’s car park (where I park, take them to swimming and then grab some shopping to save on the parking) and I realised that I had left their swimming bags in the hall at home. So I had to drive all the way back to the flat to get their swimming things and back again to Lidl, park and then scoot over the road to the sports centre. By which point we were 15 minutes late for Joshua’s 30 minute lesson. Thankfully the teacher said he could probably fit Joshua into the 8.30am class which was brilliant as he ended up getting a full lesson instead of less than half. After Josh’s lesson we walked back over to Lidl to do some shopping before heading back for Lala’s lesson at 9. Silly Mummy forgot that it’s actually HALF nine, not nine. So had to go back to the reception area and wait another half an hour. So after an hour and 45 minutes at the sports centre, we walked back to the car park and headed to the toy shop.
I had £12 left in my purse from this week’s spending allowance so decided to let them both choose a toy each of up to £6 each in price. Thankfully they both managed to pick something they liked. Joshua chose a small Ninjago Lego set which came with two mini figures and Alara chose a Cindarella clip doll (except they aren’t really clip ones, they are just rubbery dresses which are really annoying because she can’t get the dresses on the dolls by herself). She would have preferred a Frozen clip doll one but they were £7.99. She seems happy with it though. She just has to ask me to change the dresses for her.
After the toy shop we headed home and got some paints out and the kids did some painting.
While they were painting I used up some old bananas and made banana mini muffins. Then I made them a picnic lunch (which included some of the freshly baked mini muffins) which they had in front of the TV.
After lunch I took them to the local park which my parents had told me about. They played for ages on the climbing frames, slides and swings and made some little friends too.
After a while we headed back home and my parents popped over for a bit. They had brought some lovely pictures made by a friend of theirs in Spain and my dad put them up on their wall. They played with the kids and helped make them tidy up and then headed off.
At dinner time, a little while later, I made them boiled eggs and soldiers for dinner and they had rice pudding (a particular favourite of theirs) afterwards.
Shortly after that, when I’d put the TV on for them and was hoping for a bit of quiet time, I was talking to Joshua about the flat. And Joshua said something like “I have this at home”. I said to Joshua “this is your home too now Joshua, you have two homes”. To which he said “No, Daddy’s home is my home. I just come here”. He’d also asked earlier “why is your kitchen so small?”. I know these things were not said to hurt me. I know that its only been a few weeks since I moved out and this is only the 2nd time he has come to stay with me but I so want it to feel like home for him. I don’t want him to feel like he just visits here. It really hurt my feelings – and I know he didn’t mean to do that. He was just saying what he thought.
Hopefully with time he’ll start to feel like this is his home too. Not just somewhere he visits every other week but I feel like I’m at a disadvantage to Ben’s home which is where he has lived since he was born. I honestly hadn’t thought about this when I made the decision that I was the one that was going to move out, start afresh. Not have a big rambling house that needs tonnes done to it and that I couldn’t have afforded on my income alone. I really didn’t think about how long it would take for the kids to see it as their home too. I didn’t get upset in front of him. I just went to make myself a cup of tea while they were busy jumping on some bubble wrap they had found and had a little cry and then called my mum, who of course reassured me that it would take time and he’ll come to feel like it’s his home.
I need to remember that I’m doing okay. More than that I’m doing well. I’ve got this place looking homely, I’m coping fine with them on my own. I’ve got them into a nice routine when at mine (I make them get ready for bed and teeth brushed before they are allowed to watch the bedtime story on TV, which means that they get ready quickly and without fuss because they want to get their programme. And I give them their hot chocolate while they watch it. The things Joshua said did really hurt me and I think its natural for me to feel this way but I also recognise that its early days for them and they will get used to it as the months go by. And I did also get lovely cuddles from him at bedtime so that’s all good.