Torturing myself

Why do I do it? I was on my own today as Ben had taken the kids out and I was packing bits and pieces from around the house and I was looking for packing tape or any kind of tape to secure the things I’d wrapped up so I went into Ben’s office to see if I could find some and something compelled me to go on Ben’s computer and open Facebook. I read his message to a friend and suffice to say I didn’t like what I read.

I don’t know why I did it. I know that it was self-destructive – not to mention a breach of privacy but I couldn’t help myself.

I can’t wait to be out of here. To not have that kind of temptation in front of me. To not have his being out of live with me being shoved in my face at every turn. Maybe then I can start to move on. Because that is very hard to do while I’m still in this house!

4 Thoughts on “Torturing myself

  1. I can only imagine how difficult it can be having been shunned and still living under the same roof as the one who has done the shunning.

    It does not make you bad having invaded his privacy as you are still in the recovery stage of your break up.
    Under other circumstances I’d say try avoid the Invasion, Also because I live by the saying”what you don’t know can’t hurt”

    Wether you are in the house or out , as long as you are hurting you will find ways in finding out what he is up to or what he is doing differently that has triggered his change of heart.
    These things are just done out of hope that it’s all positive as apposed to the other way around.

    But take comfort in knowing that soon the novelty will wear off and before you know it , his activities will bother you none. Will take a while but a while worth waiting for.

    Stay positive in knowing that there is life after death … This is if you feel dead inside.

  2. Oh my dear, you poor thing, I’m just catching up on blog reading for the first time in months and months so today is the Horst I d heard of all this. I’m so sorry to hear of your situation. It’s never ever easy, but once things move on I can guarantee life will start to get easier again for you.

    As for the Facebook thing, I completely understand, it’s only natural and I’ve been there and donevsimilar things myself post break up. It’s almost like I wanted to the kick in the teeth, but I truly needed to know.

    You sound like you’re doing incredibly well under the circumstances and being everso strong. The only way is up, you hang in there!

    Kate
    Just Pirouette and Carry On…

    • Thanks Kate. I know what you mean about reading. I’ve not done any blog reading in months!

      Thank you for the kind comments. I have good weeks and bad weeks. This is a good one. Although it’s only monday so watch this space!!!

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