This week I have been getting a little bit obsessed with little things. Earlier on in the week it was with organising my Evernote account. Honestly, I use it for keeping absolutely everything but lately I have felt like it was more of a dumping ground than a place I could usefully keep stuff. So I decided to follow Jamie Todd Rubin’s lead in his Paperless series of blog posts (I paid particular attention to his post about reorganising his Notebooks and his Tags) and completely re-organising my evernote account. I think I started on Tuesday – researching and starting a little of the actually restructuring of my Evernote files. Then on Tuesday lunchtime and evening I piled on through and did a whole load more – completely gutting the tagging system (don’t worry if you have no idea what I’m talking about, I won’t stay on this long). However, by Wednesday night, I was exhausted and didn’t have the energy to even think about this project, much less actually DO any of it. Plus I felt very tearful and depressed.
Today was a much better day. At lunchtime, I started thinking and focussing on my blog and what I can do to make it better, more popular, more appealing to PR companies who might want to pay me to write posts. I posted in a few Facebook groups and got some very helpful comments back from other bloggers. At lunchtime and early evening I was all about setting myself up a blogging schedule and trying to do linkies and joining in on other twitter chats (other than my #pbloggers one, that is). I had a whole list in my head of all the stuff that I need to do. And then it hit me. Another obsession. Something to focus my entire mind on completely. I don’t do things by halves. I have to completely do them in a big way. Or at least plan to. And then when I don’t have the energy to follow through (like tonight) I get a low. I feel like a waste of space. I wonder if I will every have the focus and drive to do what I want to do.
It took me until only about 20 minutes ago to realise that what I’m doing is cycling. I don’t know the proper term for it but these little obsessions, they come in waves. I don’t know if its just me, or the drugs I’m on… but I guess I’ve realised that its okay. Its okay to be a little bit obsessed with something for a while if it gives my mind something to focus on but I need to be kinder and when that interest or energy runs out, its okay to just have a bath and do nothing.
I’ve also decided that I’m going to take small steps to make myself feel better. My first small steps aren’t even anything to do with the blog, because to be honest, I have enough going on right now that I don’t need to be adding more pressure to myself. My first small steps are a few things. Firstly, trying to get out of bed earlier. I am groggy most mornings but each morning this week I’ve been getting later and and later. This morning I got out of bed at 8am. The exact time that I am supposed to leave the house to give myself plenty of time to get to work. I managed to get out of the house at 8.15 which is pretty damn good but I’m pretty sure I have looked a state most of this week. I’m wearing my comfortable warm black trousers and boots. So all I do is pick out a top or jumper and off I go (after a shower obviously – please don’t think I go to work without a shower in the mornings! yuck!).
So, step number 1. Get up a bit earlier. Tomorrow I’m going to aim for 7.45. but instead of snoozing my alarm – lets face it, I will try – I’m going to tackle that problem by setting an alarm every minute until 8.50am. Hopefully after a couple of minutes of alarm, I’ll take the hint and get my lazy arse out of bed.
Step number 2: because I have been literally showering, dressing, and getting out the door, I haven’t been putting makeup on. I don’t feel like I HAVE to wear makeup at work. But I know I feel nice when I do. So my small step number 2 is to do three things when I get into work. 1) Put moisturizer on my face (I packed a jar in my bag tonight to put on my desk). 2) Put a little eyeshadow or just my eye highlighter to brighten up my eyes. 3) put some mascara on. I already have a tinted lip balm that I’ve been using as it makes my lips feel nice, but I feel like I need a little boost. Just to feel a little bit pretty.
Anyway, I’d better go to bed or I’ll be sleeping through that alarm at 7.45.