Last night I got very upset. Bella was out at a friends house who is a mum at the school and I suddenly realised that Daisy would probably be there too and for some reason even though I hadn’t minded before I felt very left out. I felt paranoid, I kept thinking that they would be talking about me. I got very tearful. I really had to restrain myself that something some sarcastic text message or Facebook message to more.
I knew that I was being irrational but I just couldn’t help myself. I also started feeling like no-one would want to be my friend because all I can do right now is take.
I went to bed but couldn’t sleep and was lying in bed crying. Ben was asleep. I heard Bella come in and so I got up and went downstairs to talk to her. I just went up and gave her a hug and she asked me what was wrong. I had messaged her and Daisy about the concert tomorrow (we are going to see Paolo Nutini in London) and I said “do you guys want to go see Paolo without me”. Which Bella had seen so she asked me what was up and I told her what I’d been thinking about and how I’d been feeling. She was nice. Reassuring.
I really hate feeling like this. I want to start my new meds and get on the road to getting better. Its exhausting!