It shouldn’t be this hard

I really really need my appointment next week. So, quick update, I got a call from the MH team yesterday and they told me that they now need me to see a doctor to discuss things further. I asked about possible changes in medication in the meantime and they said that the doctor will want to see me before making any changes. This is great. This is what I need. However, its another week or so to wait. So I’m in limbo. Again!

I have been feeling really really REALLY low lately. As you can probably see from my poem I posted yesterday. I don’t know how to stop feeling like this and I know that sitting wanting to cry or crying is not going to be helping anyone but I just can’t help it. I feel low pretty much all the time (apart from Monday morning when I was excited about the prospect of going to my new temp job. Then the novelty wore off around lunchtime and while I kind of enjoyed it I still ended up feeling low as low can be by the time evening came.

I have not been great company and I feel like I am pretty much a burden to anyone who comes into contact with me. I don’t feel like I have anything to offer to friends. I have one friend Daisy who I am relying on almost entirely for support (other than my husband obviously) and I worry about the pressure this is putting on her.

I don’t hate the work that I am doing and at least I have work but I’m worried about making ends meet going forward. At the moment I am still being paid by my last company. This job doesn’t pay anywhere near that much. Neither would any of the temp jobs I’ve been offered recently. I have an interview on Friday for a job in Guildford which is paying much better and that looks promising.

I just feel like day to day life is really hard. I struggle to do simple things. I’m trying a lot harder around the house etc after this happened. But it is hard when you have no energy whatsoever and you feel as bleak as I do. It shouldn’t be this hard. I just know that. This isn’t right. It shouldn’t be this hard.

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