I’m just back from doing a Bums Tums and Thighs class at Nuffield Health Centre, got home and burst into floods of tears on the sofa. In fact I barely even waiting until I’d left the class. Just want to clarify, Nuffield has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with why I’m feeling upset. I’ll start from the beginning.
I have been ill since last week. Last Monday in fact, I woke up with a really sore throat and it went on from there. Monday I spent all day in bed. Went to work Tuesday, Wednesday went in the morning, went home in the afternoon. Thursday worked from home but felt ok, Friday went in for a couple of hours went home to bed. Today, while I still have a cough I have felt like I might be getting through the worst of it, but then tonight I went to Bums Tums and Thighs at 7pm. I had been feeling a little restless all day. I was locked out of the office (long story) so I was working from home again. I’d been having trouble concentrating on work (or in fact anything) all day and felt like doing something active would do me good.
I got there and MAN it was hard work. I was sweating heavily almost immediately. I kept up as best I could but I found it very hard. On several occasions I felt a bit sick and possibly a little feint. I had to stop once to get lighter weights and a second time to fill up more water, and another time to DRINK more water. I felt so unfit. I kept looking at myself in the mirror and hearing that voice in my head “you’re so unfit”, “you look like a whale compared to that person, that person and that person”, “look how puffy you look”, “I bet that person works out every day to look like that” and “you’ll never get to where you want to be”. By the end of the class the voices had come to the very forefront of my mind and it was very hard not to listen to them and I started to well up. I thought about stopping to talk to the instructor about how I found the class but by that point I was struggling to hold back the tears and I was too embarrassed about how I looked to everyone else. So I made for the door but then took a right turn into a nook (near an emergency exit) to duck out of the way of the others leaving the class as I lost control of my emotions and started to cry properly. A very nice girl who worked there asked if I was alright and if she could get me something. Very nice girl. Very slim. I noticed. Well, you do don’t you (when you have all that negative self doubt stuff spinning round your head anyway). Anyway, I told her that I was just not feeling great after having a cold all week and I found the class a bit tough as a consequence and that I’d be okay. I went to the front desk, booked for Wednesday’s class (glutten for punishment) and went to my car.
Got home, said hi to Bella and Ross and then burst into tears and collapsed in a heap on the sofa and cried my eyes out – Bella came and gave me a cuddle and asked what was up. I told her. I now feel utterly exhausted. Bella is very kindly fixing me a salad for dinner as she’s doing one for herself.
I feel like opening a bottle of wine and getting ratted. Alternatively I might just have a cup of tea (Ross made me one), watch some TV and have an early night!
Anyone else wind themselves up like I do? I’d like to know.
I have to add as an aside that I really love Nuffield and promise to blog more about the actual Health Centre at some point! Promise!
Divorced single mum of 2, living with bipolar and embarking on a new career as a virtual assistant. I write about divorce, kids, being single & dating, mental illness & generally about my life. I also write reviews and sponsored posts sometimes.
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