Too hot! Guilt and feeling fat!

Its too bloody hot!

Too hot to be outside, but too hot to be inside! Of course, having a hangover today certainly didn’t help.

It was my turn for a lie-in but I couldn’t sleep as I was de-hydrated and feeling rubbish. Have continued feeling rubbish most of the day.

I’m also feeling fat. Just feel like a big lump. Haven’t really tracked this week as had high stress pretty much Wednesday through to Friday and then went and got drunk friday night. To be honest, I can’t really blame myself. Stress seems to fuel my emotional eating. And even if I’m not being “bad” I’m just not counting so I have no idea if I’ll lose weight or not. I don’t feel like I will as I feel large as ever! I need some calm, some normality, I need to not feel so stressed and guilty. I need to regain some control and some self-esteem. Need to not have my thighs rub together in this heat! Its disgusting. I feel so unattractive. Hubby is going to come upstairs in a bit (I’m in bed in front of fan) and expect post-return-from-travels sex and I can’t think of anything I’d want to do less right now! The thought of anyone touching me makes me feel sick! I don’t want to be this lump anymore. I look massive in whatever I wear. I feel old and frumpy. It doesn’t help that we have a slim 19 year old living with us. I can’t help but compare myself to her when I see her (my problem, not hers – she is lovely). But I feel inadequate. Unable to achieve anything. I want to crawl into bed (luckily I’m already there) and stay there forever. Not going to happen really is it! If kids didn’t come and drag me out of bed, hubby would.

I don’t know how I’m going to lift myself out of this hole. How am I going to start liking myself again? Being proud of myself and what I look like? Making an effort to look nice…. I haven’t worn make-up since Britmums which was 20th or something of June. I’m going to go ahead and post this now as if I carry on its just going to be the same regurgitated self-indulgent crap!

9 Thoughts on “Too hot! Guilt and feeling fat!

  1. I’m feeling rubbish too, saggy and body conscious. It’s worse in the summer cos u can’t cover up lol. We need a day at the spa!! Body wrap, facial, massage and mani-pedi, I’m sure that would sort us out…..#dreamon

  2. Nic on July 15, 2013 at 10:31 said:

    Every summer I tell myself the same thing re thighs and wobbly bits! Must say, feeling better this summer even though heck of alot of more work needed)

    I found Slimming World again and that help me kick start the journey again 4 months ago, 2 weeks ago started a #100situps/crunches a day for 100 days challenge (you are welcome to join) and I’ve found myself a local bootcamp in evenings – its tough tough tough but I’m much less miserable for doing something! Heck, I’ve even dabbled in sit ups WITH a medicine ball and had a go at skipping….I lasted 15 skips before becoming breathless!

    Hate how the metabolism slows down now that I am older and I love my food and wine so much!

    #bestrong

    • Thank you. My diet-killer is stress. I stress therefore I eat!! I need to find a way to not be stressed!!!

      • Nic on July 15, 2013 at 21:56 said:

        I’ve flipped it around as I couldn’t cope with just how stressful everything is!
        I keep exercise gear closely and even if it’s a walk, makes me feel better. I’ve started pilates, bootcamp and SW all within 4 mnths. Stopped worrying about what’s the family going to eat on nights where I need to dash to bootcamp-pizza/frozen stuff will have to do (with some cucumber on the side to make me feel better)

        Then, writing the to do list is a must! However, can feel overwhelming having one long list…so it makes ne feel better if I divide the list into actions and projects so that I don’t get the everything must get done NOW!
        Good luck with it all!
        X

  3. Nic on July 15, 2013 at 10:32 said:

    ps : comparing yourself to a 19 year old is just ridiculous! STOP right there! Otherwise I may need to BINGO-WING some sense into you *lol*

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