We got to the house at about 3.30am. Transferred the kids to bed and stayed up for about 10 minutes before going to bed ourselves.
It actually rained on drive home. I’ve never seen it rain in Turkey before. However, I’ve never actually been here this early in the year. Its very windy which is nice. The kids have had boiled eggs and toast for lunch and Lala has gone down for a nap. Joshua is now watching Rio on the iPad and I’m taking this opportunity to write this.
It feels so good to be here. Even though we are still parents and so we still have the trials and tribulations that that involves it feels like a break away from everything. I feel more relaxed, the kids seem more relaxed. In fact, I’m so relaxed I can’t think of anything to say.
We have 2 days to ourselves before my parents arrive. Its nice to be on our own for a bit but I’m really looking forward to them coming. They’ve not been out to turkey or to our house before. I’m looking forward to showing them the house, of taking them around places and enjoying their company here. Its also been a long time since we have been on holiday with them.
We’re having a gin and tonic on the patio outside. Its actually quite cold. Well, not really cold. Cool is a better word. Lala went to bed over an hour ago. She was shattered. Joshua is still running around full of energy. There is just no point forcing him to go to bed if he’s not ready as it will just end in stress.
I’m really getting into the book I’m reading at the moment. I started reading it on the plane – well, I’d already started a few pages before we left but started properly on the plane and then been really getting into it since we got here. I’m nearly 80% through. Its really good. Its called Sunflower by Hayley Howard – you can find her on Twitter here. Its her second book and the sequel to her first which is called Wallflower. I’m really impressed actually as its really addictive once you get into the story. I hope if I write a book I would be able to make it read that easily.
I’m feeling really fat today. I’m in two minds. On the one hand I want to relax and not worry about what I’m eating. But when I went up to have a shower this afternoon and get changed into some nice clothes I looked in the mirror and almost didn’t recognise myself. I look so big. I put on a nice comfortable dress that I bought on a shopping trip with my mum where she bought me some nice clothes for our holiday as my birthday present. I still really like the dress but it doesn’t disguise how big I’ve got. I feel like it just looks like a tent on me. My arms feel fat and I don’t like the feeling. I should just be happy being me, shouldn’t I? But I’m worried about what people think when they look at me. People kept looking at Lala in the airport when we arrived to Turkey – because she’s so cute and she was a picture dragging her little pink wheelie case with all her toys in it. I love how people look at her. Admiring how cute she is. Part of me doesn’t worry about how I look because I have her and she’s amazing (as is her brother). But another tiny part of me wishes people looked at me sometimes admiring my looks or figure. But I just don’t feel like that anymore. I feel like I have to fight to feel good about myself. I try to focus on the good things I’ve achieved and am achieving (my children, my blog, my book, the Prince2 exam I just passed etc) but another part of me wishes I had the energy/time/motivation to make them admire me physically too. Like I was admiring a couple of women in the airport in Izmir. They were very slim and were wearing ridiculous heels – why you would travel in stilettos I don’t know. But they did look good.