I worry about people from work seeing my blog especially when, like now, I have an overwhelming urge to write about it.

I’m horrendously bored. I know, I know. I have a job. I am paid well. I’m not busy, which to some people is a good thing. But for me, well, I’m fine at keeping myself busy with other things…. writing blog posts, looking at Facebook, doing admin stuff for my blog, book etc…. (only I hasten to add when I have done my work). However, today I have been quietly told by someone that I should watch out as my boss has been looking at my screen when she walks past. This makes me feel worried as I really don’t want to be sacked or anything but also it makes me feel angry. I took this job on thinking I was joining a busy PMO team. Turns out there isn’t really enough work to go around. I guess I could be more proactive finding work to do and I have done a little of that but my enthusiasm is waning. I’m going on holiday soon and it seems pointless to be chasing people for work that I may not be able to help with due to my holiday.

I sometimes think I have the wrong attitude for this kind of work. I probably do. I often envy my husband. He has a job where he is really busy, he is well paid and he works from home. He is often working and while I don’t like him working when he should be spending time with me or the kids (although if I’m honest I’m quite happy left to my own devices watching TV that he doesn’t particularly like), I do wish I had that kind of feeling of being needed at work.

There are a few issues that I have. 1) I’m a contractor and in this company contractors seem to be treated differently to full time (permanent) employees. 2) I feel like as the boss it should be HER responsibility to make sure that there is work for us all to do. There is only so much asking for work we can do. We have been telling her we’re quiet since Christmas – probably even earlier. 3) If I’m honest, I desperately want to do something else. I want to be my own boss. Maybe a writer… I have already published my first eBook (a poetry collection) and I actually have a fiction novel or maybe short story in mind next. But there never actually seems to be any time. Actually there is plenty of time (between the hours of 9am and 5pm when I’m in the office) but apparently I have to be looking over my shoulder in case my boss sees that I am keeping busy doing personal things or writing my blog or on Facebook or Twitter.

I had a job interview this week – on Tuesday. And another phone interview the week before that. The phone interview was for a contract job (with a really good daily rate) and was much nearer by – so much less travelling. I was really keen on this one. However, I didn’t get it. They made me wait a week and after me chasing them for what seemed like ages, and even sending the guy who interviewed me a message on LinkedIn (I know, bit stalkerish, eh?), they finally came back to me with a no. The one this week was for a job not far from where I’m working now. So same amount of travelling but really interesting sounding job. Well, busy anyway. So I was kind of keen on that, but I didn’t get it. They came back to me quickly at any rate so that is a good thing. In hindsight, its probably a good thing as I really didn’t want to move jobs and have to be travelling the same distance every day and then I’d feel obliged to stay at that job for at least a year, possibly longer. I really like the idea of being a contractor. The high daily rate means that I could stack some money aside and take time off during the summer to spend time with my kids. Plus if I didn’t get on somewhere I could just find another contract job. I think when I get back from holiday I will start looking in earnest.

Please comment so I know I'm not alone out here!

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