Been in a really bad mood this morning. Not really sure why.
It was my turn to get up with the kids (we have a 4 day weekend due to Easter so decided that Ben would have Friday and Sunday to lie in and I would have Saturday and Monday). For some reason I’m not very good at graciously accepting that its Ben’s turn to lie in. I’m also not very good in the mornings generally, even less so when Joshua has woken us up 2 or 3 times in the night. The house was a tip and I just didn’t have the energy to get in “lets just get it done” mode. I just drank tea and chilled on sofa with kids and watched “Barbie movie”. I did do a little bit of tidying up but not much. When Ben got up I had a bath – he was going to get in afterwards, but I kind of had a bit of a strop. I’m not even sure what about. I just feel resentful about how he gets to work from home and I have to drive 2 hours a week to get to work. It feels like every day this week I’ve come home and the duvet is on the sofa and the TV is on so he’s been working from under the duvet on the sofa in front of the TV. I know he’s been working (apart from when he was off sick because he’s had a really bad cold) – and yesterday was his birthday so that was his excuse for then…. But it makes me feel resentful. That might not be right but its how I feel sometimes.
Our coffee machine is not working and I felt like a coffee would make me feel better so Ben told me to go buy one, which I did – once he’d managed to distract Lala so I could get out of the door. So now I’m back and drinking my latte with the radio on. Thinking about things. Writing in my new format blog on my own domain name. I do feel a bit better. Ben is in the bath and the kids are watching “Woody Movie” – Toy Story. By the time I got back from Starbucks Ben had done a bit of washing up and tidied some of the surfaces, so before I sat down I wiped and polished the rest of the worksurfaces so I could make myself a little spot to sit down at.
I sometimes resent my kids. OK, I said it. I don’t really resent THEM. I love them to bits and do enjoy spending time with them but sometimes I just really wish I could have a quick taste (half a day or something) of what it was like BC (before children). These are the things I would appreciate a whole lot more if I got to enjoy them more often again:
- Lying in (with no interruptions at all)
- Watching TV or movies all day (at the weekends) from under the duvet
- Having time to potter about the house on my own
- Only having to look after myself
- No nappies to change
- Not having your time or energy demanded of every 5 minutes because someone has pushed someone, or someone wants the iPad when its not their turn or someone wants to change to a different channel or someone wants to get the paints out
I sometimes think I’m not very good at this. Actually, forget that. I KNOW I’m not very good at this. Maybe I’m inherently selfish. I probably am. Am I the only one that occasionally wishes you could fast forward to when your kids leave home (prepares self for some abuse for actually putting that thought down on “paper”).
Am linking this post up with Verily Victoria Vocalises linkie: