Career confusion / Head in the Clouds

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I’m a bit bored again at work. I have plenty to be done (well, a bit, not exactly plenty) but I am waiting on stuff before I can get on with it. I find that very irritating.

Its left me with too much time on my hands to think about things.

I’m thinking about life, my “career” and what I want to do.

Life

Life at the moment, in a nutshell, is me working full time, husband working from home (apart from when away), kids in full time childcare (which includes family).

Life as I imagine or dream it would be: slower paced, less stressed, involving lots of pottering.

Career

I have never been very “into” having a career. I came out of university (after doing a degree in Spanish & Economics) and fell into a sequence of jobs that eventually lead to a 10 year long career as a PA (personal assistant, executive assistant, slave, lacky, whatever you want to call it). I’m very good at organising things and I am pretty damn hot on IT – spreadsheets and stuff like that. I’m currently working as a Project Management Administrator in Reading and, as you can tell from this and previous posts, I’m not particularly busy.

I have decided that I want to persue a career as project manager. I have previously expressed my doubts about this plan here. Its not that I don’t think I can do it. I know that I have the skills. I’m just wondering if really, deep down, I want to. See my reasons below:

What I want to do

I’m going to start by talking from my heart and not considering the issue of needing to earn a living. What do I love doing? Writing. Being creative. Making and selling things. I have wanted to run my own business for years and I have flitted from idea to idea. Going from hot to cold (when I realise that really its not going to be practical to actually do it as a main job/business). These are the ideas I have had/things I have done:

• Card-making – I got quite popular with this little business idea. I even sold to some gift shops. 
• Bath bomb making – I did this for a couple of years around the times that I had my kids and was on maternity leave. I loved the idea/feeling of getting praise for making something pretty (similar theme to the card-making in that respect). I have in fact started doing this again – only really as a way of earning a bit of extra money – I have no illusions about starting my own bathbomb factory with lots of little bathbomb-making minions.
• Organising – this started by me taking pictures and putting them on facebook of little things that I would organise. Someone then said I should start a blog. Which I did. You can see it here if you like: Organising the Chaos. I’m no longer writing it as when I started working full time I found it, unsurprisingly, hard to find the time to organise, let alone blog about it. However, before this idea fell on its feet, I got pretty serious about it. I organised someone’s play room for them – as a kind of portfolio piece, I designed and made an organising box for someone, I researched becoming a professional organiser. I even paid for someone to create the header for my blog and would have gone on and had her make me a website too if I hadn’t just run out of steam. 
• Party Planning – this idea I had around Christmas. Again I got all worked up about this idea. Did a load of research but then, the same as all my ideas and plans, as soon as I realised that I wasn’t going to be able to drop everything and throw my all into the idea, I lost interest. 

So what should I do? I don’t know. Am I being unrealistic? My urge to be creative and be my own boss… is it, well, stupid? Maybe I should just give up on my dreams and ideas and “embrace” (if its possible to embrase something so dull) a normal working life where I actually PLAN to do something with this career of mine that I never really wanted anyway.

I feel a little deflated just thinking about that.